HOST (Jennifer) (00:02):
Hello, welcome to this podcast called finding inspiration. I had the opportunity to sit with Ilan Dray who shared with me his philosophy on fusion experience. It's his new book, and it's about connecting the dots in your life.
GUEST (Ilan) (00:45):
My name is Ilan Dray and then I'm helping startups go global. And the secret sauce is by connecting the dots by making the people walking together, communicate, and understanding each other. At the end of the day, I realize that every day I'm connecting with people and I needed to connect with myself.
HOST (Jennifer) (01:20):
The experience came to you as an idea while you were coming back from a trip from Sardinia, is that right?
GUEST (Ilan) (01:29):
Arrive in Sardinia was broken art from a long-distance relationship, but I didn't change my plan. We plan to be in Sardinia. I came without knowing anyone, anything, and just stopped things by sitting, you know, at the hotel with my Negroni and the melting ice. I look at the ice melting and know something is wrong with myself and suddenly it was like a revelation. You know, I was looking at the pattern of the mosaics on the floor, the hotel, connecting with the pattern of my pants. And then I realized that maybe I'm in kind of flow with a relationship in a loop. The relationship triangle was to get in a relationship that I compromise myself instead to grow inside the relationship. And slowly, slowly, by trying to analyzing myself, I was trying, I tried to connect the missing elements about me. And this book is a philosophy on how to connect your dots. At a professional level, at a personal level, and what is very beautiful because it's very emotional. So, it's authentic. Because at the end of the day, it's all about communication.
HOST (Jennifer) (03:10):
You broke up with someone, you were supposed to go on a vacation with this person to Sardinia, and you went to the trip on the trip by yourself, even though this person was there, and you didn't see the person, but you saw your ice melting in the Negroni. It's a great visual by the way and I love and a Negroni. Then what happened? You discovered that you were making these repeated mistakes in relationships?
GUEST (Ilan) (03:38):
It's a chapter that is talking about the patterns. It’s funny because when I'm talking to designers, I say if look the same as the previous weeks. Each week should look completely different. You need to improve yourself, or you need to look for something new. It means to enjoy the moments that is part of my philosophy. And at the end of the day, I was making the same mistake, going out with the same kind of woman and I was compromising myself. It was a very strong understanding of who am I? I'm always doing it when I'm designing a product interface because I'm asking the why. So, the way for the product seems for me like logical. I discovered that I was much more complex than any software apparently. I needed to analyze myself, connect the dots with myself, communicate with myself. The writing was a kind of therapy. It helped me to understand it so that I was wearing a mask. From the outside world, I’m always going to restaurants, always a shining light, beautiful cars, traveling around the world, dream life. But who am I trying to impress? I realize that I need to be more authentic.
HOST (Jennifer) (05:33):
Life shifted on this trip, and you discovered a new way to have a relationship with yourself?
GUEST (Ilan) (05:41):
I was alone with myself. Alone with yourself is no plan. And apparently is this maturity, understanding, and able to be alone. Philosophy of fusion experience came from basically, there's nothing left. Your glass is empty.
GUEST (Ilan) (06:31):
When we are at this level at the edge of a new page in a book, or you feel like you lost something. Someone dies or a relationship ended, or you lost a job. It’s hard to understand what's going on now. Questions and self-esteem issues come up. At this moment, if you step back and look or obstacles in your life, your successes because I was embarrassed to look at myself honestly.
HOST (Jennifer) (07:41):
So we're talking about the moment when you realized that you have an incredible amount to be grateful for in your experience in life or for the things that you've done, the things that you've accomplished, and that your vessel is actually quite full. So Elan discovered this philosophy of his life and sharing it with the world through his book. So tell me, you're, you're sitting there, you're in Sardinia. What happened after you realized -- hey, my life is pretty good. It's full.
GUEST (Ilan) (08:15):
When someone believes in you, it's very beautiful. In Sardinia, I went to hear music. The DJ was wearing a mask. And when I met him face to face during one of his shows, I realized that when he was looking at me I was also wearing a mask. We need to be able to cry when we're sad and to be able to share that we are emotionally broken. You need to feel who is really your friend, be with your supportive family, and try to lift yourself up.
HOST (Jennifer) (09:30):
The discovery of learning how to be vulnerable? So you were never vulnerable. You always wore a mask?
GUEST (Ilan) (09:42):
As an entrepreneur, I'm doing a mental shift for different startups. So, I'm always very charismatic as a person. But inside I was someone very different.
HOST (Jennifer) (10:05):
Ripple a big ripple through this moment, you discovered you were not always happy. You had a really soft spot, an underbelly. It was time to look at yourself. So, this trip to Sardinia was very pivotal in your life. You had 45 years of this, and you discovered while looking at your melting ice in the Negroni glass that you needed to be authentic with yourself.
GUEST (Ilan) (10:42):
This is a level of maturity comes to every one of us at a certain moment of in your life. It’s not too late at 45 or 50 or 25 years old -- it’s all okay. It's a wake-up call in the book, but you not to reset the computer because we are kind of in the loop. And I'm talking about the loop, the good things that you do to achieve your job or with your friend or so, all of this is connected fusion expands that I'm talking as it makes so much, uh, good things happening in this world. You know, not an only successful startup, I help a lot of people too, to see the world from the top and not from the bottom and to connect with themselves.
But I needed to deeply connect with myself. After that, I shared it with others. That is the reason I wrote the book The book is very limited. There are only 500; it’s packaged in a beautiful black box. And inside when you open the book, the book is yellow, like a sun, bright yellow. Moving from the darkness to light. In the book, I’m talking about emotions. Even when you get the book your senses are activated. You smell the perfume. There is a collaboration with Chanel for the scent. I cannot bring this emotion in a digital book format. It took me two years to finish the book with a collaboration with worldwide artists from Bali, America, Paris, and so on.
HOST (Jennifer) (13:07):
In Sardinia, you met a very special woman. Can you tell me exactly how that worked?
GUEST (Ilan) (13:14):
Yes, I did. I went to a club to listen to a DJ. I was wearing black, I was dark. I was sad. And suddenly I saw this woman outside of the blue, she's a yoga teacher. She wasn’t wearing a fancy dress. She had very colorful clothes on. Her colors were in contrast with what I was feeling at this at the same moment.
HOST (Jennifer) (14:26):
So, you were drawn to her?
GUEST (Ilan) (14:42):
Conversation and she was funny. We had a fluid conversation. And we met, we traveled and then we get married. And today we live a beautiful and happy life. It’s a love story. And this is what is very beautiful. I do not compromise myself and she accepts me as I am.
HOST (Jennifer) (15:31):
So you've changed your, your philosophy, your personal philosophy on relationships, and how you relate to people. Are you a different kind of husband than you have been?
GUEST (Ilan) (15:40):
Yeah, I was married before.
HOST (Jennifer) (15:43):
What kind of husband were you before?
GUEST (Ilan) (15:46):
A compromised husband.
HOST (Jennifer) (15:47):
You were compromised.
GUEST (Ilan) (15:50):
We divorced after one year. Like any couple now if we have a fight we discuss it. And it's a very open conversation and very authentic conversation that goes very quickly to a collaboration.
HOST (Jennifer) (16:30):
Give us your personal philosophy. I know you like to say aspire to inspire, but can you give me one sentence?
GUEST (Ilan) (16:43):
I love to summarize my book by a simple formula. That is one plus one equals three because when you're in doubt is yourself. When you are this moment that I shared today with you, and you share to someone else, this feeling, creates a new opportunity. And one plus one can be in business and create a new opportunity. One plus one can be with love. I feel, you know, that I'm stronger with Eliana and she believes she is better when she is with me.
HOST (Jennifer) (17:12):
So, it's the third one, the relationship.
GUEST (Ilan) (17:15):
We are stronger together. If you are good at something and I'm good at something, if you walk together, it will be even better. Energy, share emotion both negative, and positive only adds happiness to the world. Be able to share your ideas. People in the startup industry want to sign NDAs before they speak. Share your ideas. Everyone who reads the book has their own perspective. And it was exactly the purpose of this book.
